101 Tips On Getting Girls: Naruto Style
by PokeyPocky
Summary: What happens when you mix Naruto with pickup lines? Read on to find out! NaruxHina NejixTen SasuxSaku ShikaxIno
1. The Bet

So here's the first chapter! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any lame pickup lines that will soon appear in the story.

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"So what are we here for?" an irritated Sasuke asked, annoyed that he had to miss his training for something so…insignificant. Shikamaru shrugged, and yawned.

"Don't ask me, ask Naruto. He's the one who called us here in the first place." And went back to staring up at the clouds.

"Hey, guys! Guess what?!" a hyper Naruto appeared on the hill, apparently really excited about something. He waved to an annoyed Sasuke, a bored Shikamaru, and a meditating Neji. They all ignored him, deciding that he probably had news that Ichiraku had come up with a brand new, fantastic flavor.

"Hey! Pay attention to me! This could change our lives as we know it!" Naruto whined, flapping his arms around wildly. Neji cracked open an eye, and said in a monotone," What news could you possibly have that could 'change our lives as we know it?'" Only then did the three ninja notice that the knucklehead ninja had an orange-coloured book with him.

"Please do _**not**_ tell me that you're starting to read Icha Icha Paradise." Sasuke started, twitching a bit. Naruto snorted, and retorted," Maybe you would, teme, but not me. No, this beauty here is the secret to our successful futures!" He held up the book so the three could see the title of the book.

"'_**101 Tips On Getting Girls'**_?" Sasuke read, still twitching. He glared up at Naruto, and heard Shikamaru mumble," Troublesome…"

"Oi, dobe, what's the big idea? Of course, _**you**_ would be the only 14-year-old to use pickup lines on girls." he sneered. Naruto scowled, and gave him the finger.

"Just because you have bad luck with Sakura, teme, doesn't mean the rest of us don't have a chance with our girls!" At this, Neji and Shikamaru started twitching slightly.

"Ino is _**not**_ my girl." Shikamaru stated, still gazing at the clouds. Naruto snickered," Who said _**Ino**_ was your girl? What? You got a crush on the blond piggy?" Shikamaru found a pebble and threw it at Naruto's direction. He smirked when he heard the satisfying THUNK! when the rock found it's target. Neji voiced his thoughts as well.

"If you even touch my cousin, I will block all of your chakra points and send you flying to Suna."

"Chill, Neji! Man, I thought we were friends, too! Besides, I would never hurt Hinata." Naruto was quiet for a couple of minutes before adding," This book might even help you get together with Tenten, ya know…" He smirked at the others pissed off looks, before challenging," I bet you guys are too _**scared**_ to do anything, am I right?" At this, Neji and Sasuke scowled, while Shikamaru just yawned again.

'How troublesome…'

"Fine, I accept your bet." Sasuke snarled, before he could really think about what he was getting into. Neji, never one to take a blow on his pride, said," I'm in. Fate has brought this onto me, and it's my destiny to win this.

"Sheesh, you and your destiny crap!" Naruto rolled his eyes, and turned to Shikamaru.

"Well?" he asked rather impatiently," Are you in or not?"

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered," But I'm in." Naruto grinned.

"Ok, then, here's the deal. We read this book for tips, then we try them out on our girls. First one to get a date wins." Sasuke nodded.

"And the loser has to do the dare that the winner thinks of." he said, already thinking about what evil dares he would make the loser (*coughNARUTOcough*) do.

"DEAL!"

"Hn."

"......troublesome..."

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So there it is! If anyone has any really lame pickup lines I can use, please message me, or write it in a review. Thank you! =D

LoVexxMyxxHeArT 3


	2. The Book

Yay! The second chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or 101 Tips On Getting Girls (if that book even exists.)

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"Okay, let's read the first chapter." Naruto said, opening the book to a bookmarked page. The chapter title read,' _**1: The Female's Minds.'**_

"'Not every male knows how the female's mind works. To better understand the way of the women, it is important to remember this golden rule: NEVER, under any circumstances, tell her that she is wrong. Women like to think that they are correct in all situations, and will do anything to prove males wrong.'" Naruto looked up at Sasuke, and smirked.

"Guess this means you can't challenge Sakura anymore, teme." Sasuke's reply was to death glare at Naruto. It wasn't his fault that he had bad luck with women! The fact that the only girl he actually had conversations with was his mom didn't prove anything! It was all Itachi's fault! Damn you, Itachi!!!

While mentally cursing Itachi to the deepest layer of hell, Sasuke curtly nodded at Naruto to keep reading.

"Okay, where was I…Here it is! 'If you are ever in a position like this, then simply soothe the female, and admit that you are wrong. This will calm her down, but also confuse her a bit as to why you suddenly proclaimed her right. So, to distract her, merely ask her out on a date, or pull out red roses to declare your love for her." Naruto snorted,"' Declare your love for her?' What self-respecting man does that?" (**A/N**: Ah, Naruto, Naruto. You still have so much to learn about love.)

"Troublesome, but if that makes a woman quiet down, I just might try that." Shikamaru muttered, still staring up at the sky. He sighed, and thought,' Not much clouds today…'

"Good, because Ino talks waaaaay too much." Naruto nodded, and turned to Neji.

"So are you gonna try this on Tenten?"

"Hn. Tenten doesn't talk that much. At least, not as much as that Yamanaka." he said, still in his meditating position. Ever since Naruto had arrived with the accursed book, he had felt a major headache coming on.

"Okay, then let's read the next chapter!" Naruto flipped the pages, stopping when he saw the large title,' **_2: How to Charm a Female._**'

"' Women love compliments. They love it when you compliment their looks, their outfits, their skills, anything! Whenever you meet up with a female, and she looks at you expectantly, always tell her that her outfit looks good on her. Praise everything that she is uncertain about, and this will put you in her good books for sure.'" Neji had a thoughtful look on his face.

"I could use that one. Tenten's always saying how no boys will ever like her." Naruto grinned, and said," Great! Now only me and teme have to find some tips." He flipped to the next chapter.

"' **_Chapter 3: How to Impress a Female_**. This chapter talks to you about any methods you could use to amaze your love interest. Find something that astounds her, and attempt to do that something even better. This will make an impression on the female and possible get her even more attracted to you than before." Naruto thought for a minute before exclaiming," Hey, I can impress Hinata with all of my cool fighting moves! That will get her to like me even more!" Neji glowered at Naruto, threatening," Don't do **anything** that you will regret later." Naruto grinned mockingly, and looked at Sasuke.

"Yo, teme, you don't have anything yet, do you?"

"I will when you start reading that book again, dobe." Sasuke scowled.

"Okay, okay, no need to get your knickers in a knot." Naruto snickered, and dodged the fist that was aimed for his face. He turned over the pages, looking for the next chapter.

"' **_Chapter 4: How to Gain a Female's Favor_**. In this section, you will learn tips on how to achieve a female's favor. By doing errands for her, she will gradually start to depend on you, so you must always be there to assist her." Naruto closed the book, and said," Well, I think we all know what Sasuke has to do to gain Sakura's favor." He laughed, trying to imagine the Uchiha running around, doing Sakura's work for her, while the pink-haired medic-nin relaxed on a chair, sipping a cold drink. He couldn't. Well, he could see Sakura lounging around, chilling while she ordered Sasuke around, but Naruto couldn't really imagine the duck-haired bastard doing her bidding.

"Okay, so now that we all have our own methods, we'll try them out tomorrow, then meet the day after that to hear the results." Naruto planned a thoughtful look on his face.

"Hn."

"Troublesome…"

"Who the hell made you boss, dobe?"

"I'm the one who brought the book, so stop whining, teme!"

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L.M.H: I somehow feel like I'm betraying my fellow female friends by giving these guys the tips... T_T

Remember, if you have any pickup lines, lame or not, I can use, please tell me! ^-^


	3. Shikamaru's try

So first up is Shikamaru and Ino! I hope Shika isn't too oc, or something. And thank you to everyone who submitted a pickup line, or review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, any pickup lines, or anything else that appears in the story. (wow, that's getting old...)

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"What a drag…" Shikamaru sighed, as he watched clouds drift by in the deep blue sky. He had called Ino 10 minutes before, asking her to meet him on his favourite hill. He mentally went through his "Get-Ino-So-I-Won't-Loose-The-Bet" plan.

**Step 1**. Argue with Ino a bit.

**Step 2**. Get her mad enough that she wants to leave.

**Step 3**. Admit the faults, then present her with red rose.

**Step 4**. Ask her out, and win the bet.

He hoped that nothing troublesome came his way.

Too bad nothing ever goes as planned.

"Hey, Shikamaru! You lazy butt, stop staring at the clouds so much! If that's all you're doing, then what's the point of me being here?!" Ino's voice exclaimed, as Shikamaru winced. He slowly turned to see a frowning Ino, who had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. He gulped, not wanting to face her wrath on such a lovely day, but a bet was a bet…

"Troublesome woman…" he mumbled, looking up at the clouds as if that would give him the miracle he needed. Unfortunately for him, Ino heard the quiet remark.

"Excuse me?! I'm troublesome?! At least I'm not a lazy slacker like some people I know! Is that the only reason why you called me here? If it is, then I'm leaving!" Ino ranted, turning around to leave.

"You men are so…so insulting to women sometimes!" she huffed. Shikamaru mentally groaned, and then thought,' Why must I like a troublesome girl like her…'

"Oi, Ino." he lazily called out, not even blinking when she spun around with a sulky look on her face. He continued," You're right. You're not troublesome, and I'm wrong to call you that." He smirked as he watched a confused look spread over her face, but as quickly as it had come, it was replaced by a irritated scowl.

"Is this some kind of trick, Shikamaru? Don't think for a second, just because you apologized, I'm going to forgive you." Shikamaru walked over to Ino, and handed her a red rose.

"Here. A pretty flower for the pretty girl." He grinned as she started blushing, and reached for the rose. Ino took a sniff of the flowery scent, and gazed at Shikamaru with love-struck eyes.

'Wow, is this really Shikamaru? I can't believe he got me this rose…I can't believe he even admitted I was right! Wait… _**he admitted I was right**_?!'

A part of her snapped and came back to reality.

"Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Shikamaru?!" she shrieked, slapping him on the back of his head. Ino thought,' _**Of course **_this can't be Shikamaru; he's never romantic, or admits he's wrong! Stupid, lazy, smartass…Why the hell do I have to like _**him**_?!'

Shikamaru rubbed his head and glared at Ino.

"Ow, you troublesome woman! What was that for?" Ino glowered at him before pointing an accusing finger at him

"You're not Shikamaru! The lazy ass I know never does anything like this! It's either you're possessed by an old romantic spirit, or you're…possessed by another kind of spirit!" Shikamaru scowled.

"I am not possessed by a spirit, you troublesome woman! Can't I giveaway a flower to the girl I like without getting slapped?" At this, both Shikamaru and Ino froze.

'He…likes me?' Ino thought, blushing heavily. She averted her eyes away from Shikamaru, who was also blushing. It was several minutes before she spoke, breaking the awkward silence.

"You…like me?" she asked shyly, playing with the rose in her hand. She looked up to find Shikamaru only inches away from her face.

"I do." he admitted.

The two love-struck teens continued gazing at each other, until Shikamaru decided to continue with his plan, using the advice Naruto's book had given him.

"Hey, Ino? Do you have a map I can use?"

"Why do you need a map?"

"Because I just got lost in your eyes."

-a moment of silence.-

"AHAHAHAHA!!" Ino almost died of laughter. She clutched her stomach, trying to stop her fits of hilarity.

"I never knew you were the sappy type, Shika! Omigosh, this is just too funny!" she continued laughing for about 5 minutes, while Shikamaru grew more irritated by the second. So he tried a pickup line for the first time in his life, what of it? It wasn't his fault, it was the damn book's fault. Who was the freaking damn bastard who wrote the stupid book, anyways?!

"S-sorry." Ino giggled, as she got off the ground. She picked up the rose, and dusted the dirt off her clothes.

"Shika, are you okay? I don't know what you've been up to, but you're acting really weird today. Maybe you should go see a doctor? Or better yet, go find better pickup lines." She giggled again, and kissed Shikamaru on the cheek.

"Sorry, but I promised my mom I'd help out in the shop, so I have to get going. I'll buy you a book on how to charm girls later, okay? Bye!" she laughed, and ran off.

Shikamaru just stood there, blinking and wondering just what the heck happened. Then it hit him.

"I didn't get a date with her…how troublesome…"

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-gag-

L.M.H: Ugg...I didn't think it would turn out that sappy...please review to tell me how I did...

Next up, Neji and Tenten!


	4. Neji's Compliments

Looks like Shikamaru didn't have much luck with Ino...How will Neji do? -dramatic music-

Disclaimer: I do now own Naruto, pickup lines, the book, blah blah blah...

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"LEE!! THE POWER OF YOUTH SALUTES YOU!!"

"REALLY, GAI-SENSEI? I AM SO HONORED!!"

"LEE!!!!"

"GAI-SENSEI!!!!!"

"LEE!!!!"

"GAI-SENSEI!!!!!!"

"Would you two morons SHUT THE HELL UP, already?" Neji asked, irritated. He was waiting for Tenten to arrive, and was hoping desperately that she would come soon. If he had to spend another second with them alone...

"Neji! You really must learn how to tune into your inner youth! Gai-sensei can help you with that, of course." Lee started doing push ups.

"Gai-sensei! If I cannot do 500 pushups by the time our youthful flower arrives, I shall run 300 laps around the village!"

"Then I shall run those laps with you!"

"I am honored that you will run laps with me!"

"Don't mention it, Lee! After all, there's nothing like a little student-teacher bonding time." Gai said, striking his famous 'Good Guy ' pose, complete with the shiny teeth.

Neji mentally groaned.

'If I have to hear these two idiots anymore, I'll send their asses flying to Hawaii, where they can spend the rest of their days hula-dancing for a living.' As you can see, Neji's inner is very different from Neji's exterior-self.

"Hey! Sorry I'm late!" a cheery voiced called. Neji didn't bother to get up from his meditating position, or to even open his eyes.

"Tenten! Our youthful flower, what are you wearing?" he heard Lee exclaim. Neji's eyes snapped open.

Tenten was standing in front of him sheepishly, wearing slightly over sized overalls, a black t-shirt, and white sneakers. Her entire outfit was covered in splats of paint.

"I promised Sakura I'd help paint her room. I guess I forgot about training today." She laughed and wiped a smear of paint off her face.

"I only did 499 push ups! I failed to do 500 push ups before our youthful Tenten arrived! I'm sorry, Gai-sensei! I failed you!" Lee suddenly cried.

"Do not despair, Lee! We shall go run 300 laps around the village now!"

"Make that 400 laps, Gai-sensei!"

"I'm so proud of you, Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

And so, the two Green Beasts of Konoha ran dramatically toward the sunset, crying enough anime tears to fill up the ocean.

Neji and Tenten sweatdropped.

"Jeez, those two..." Tenten mumbled, shaking her head. She glanced at Neji, who was still meditating. She thought,' On a team of two youthful idiots, and an ice cube, I'm the only normal one here...I think.'

"Hey, Neji! Let's get started on training!"

"Are you sure you can train in that outfit?" Neji asked in a monotone. Tenten looked down at her clothes, and laughed again, as she remembered the mini-paint fight she and Sakura had.

"I'm not sure, but I could run home and change in 10 minutes." Tenten offered.

"Forget it. Training is cancelled today." Neji said flatly. Tenten blinked.

"Are you okay? I mean, you _**never **_cancel training for no reason. What's the occasion, huh?" Tenten poked Neji, and giggled as he opened an eye and scowled.

"Training is cancelled. We already wasted enough time waiting for you. There is no point waiting another hour because you have to shower and get changed." Tenten brightened.

"So you really _**do **_mean it! Great! I feel pretty stupid walking around in these messy clothes, anyways." She admitted. At this, Neji thought,' Now is the time to try out the tips. No matter what, I refuse to loose to those three, especially Uchiha.'

"Tenten." He called, and watched as she turned around. Her chocolate eyes seemed especially bright today, and the blush on her cheeks looked as pink as a summer sunset...

Neji snapped out of it. He was supposed to be Neji Hyuuga, not some closet poet! He blamed Naruto's book.

"Those clothes look good on you." he complimented, and smirked as he watched all sorts of expressions cross her face. Shyness, adoration, irritation...wait, irritation?

"Neji Hyuuga! Are you saying that only messy, ugly clothes look good on me?" Tenten fumed, glaring angrily at the Hyuuga. He blinked, and thought,' Aren't women supposed to love compliments on their clothes?'

"No, I was merely-" he was cut off by a ranting Tenten.

"Sakura told me to bring clothes that I wouldn't mind ruining, so I thought I'd wear the _**oldest, ugliest, most casual **_clothes that I wouldn't mind getting rid of. And here you are telling me that only those types of clothes suit me?! You are such an insensitive ass! No wonder you have bad luck with girls; you have no idea how to treat them! And you know-" Neji cut off Tenten's angry tirade with the only way he could. Sure, it might cost him his life later, but surely it was worth it, right?

He kissed her.

Tenten's eyes widened. There was absolutely _**no way **_that Neji Hyuuga, her unemotional crush, was kissing her. After all, this is _**Neji Hyuuga**_ that we're talking about. Remember? Insensitive, emotionless ice cube?

SMACK!

"What, may I ask, was _**that **_for?" Neji asked coolly, rubbing the spot she had hit. Tenten glared at him and his idiocy with a slight blush on her face.

"Sorry, but I just have issues with guys randomly kissing me." Tenten retorted. Neji twitched at her words.

"Are you saying…that there have been other guys who kissed you?"

"No, Neji, I'm just saying that I wouldn't like it when guys just kiss me for no reason." Tenten sighed.

"Oh."

There was an awkward pause.

Neji thought,' I'll try out that book's advice now, I suppose.' He cleared his throat and said," Hey, Tenten?"

"Yeah, Neji?"

"Did it hurt when you fell?"

"When I fell?"

"When you fell from heaven." Tenten gave Neji a look. Then she thought with a laugh,' Heh, might as well mess with him a bit.'

"What are you saying, Neji? Only angels fall from heaven!" she beamed. Neji face palmed, thinking,' She doesn't get it? Fine, I'll try this one.'

"Sorry, Tenten, but I was blinded by your beauty, so I'm going to need your number for insurance reasons." He hoped this one would work better then the lame heaven one.

"Silly Neji! You already have my number, remember? What, you forgot it or something? Now I'm hurt. You forgot your best friend's number. I hope you didn't forget my name, too." Tenten laughed. Neji eyed her with a deadpanned look.

'Is she really that oblivious...?'

"Oops, so sorry, Neji, but I have to go now! I told Sakura I'd help finish painting her room after training. Seeing as we aren't doing anything now, I might as well go." She walked up to Neji, and poked his cheek.

"But first let me give you some advice." She leaned in, and whispered in his ear," NEVER use those pickup lines again. Trust me, they never work." She kissed his cheek quickly, and ran off, with a huge smile on her face.

Neji just stood there, with an extremely small blush on his face, and wondering what had just happened. Then, suddenly feeling annoyed, he thought,' If those lines don't work, then what the hell was I supposed to say? Who's the hopeless bastard that wrote that useless book, anyways?'

He stood for a couple of minutes, feeling clueless as to what had occurred. Then it hit him.

"I didn't ask her out. Did Fate decide this for me...?"

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L.M.H: Heh, heh...I feel so evil for making the guys say such lame lines...=D Review please!

Next up....Sasuke and Sakura! Read on to see how the duck-haired bastard does!


	5. Sasuke the Errand Boy

Sorry if this chapter is...blah. I was experiencing a minor brain melt-down.

**_Thank you_** to everyone who submitted a review and pickup line!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, paint, blah blah blah...

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"No matter what, I refuse to lose to the dobe." Sasuke growled as he threw his 40th kunai. He was on the training grounds, trying to brainstorm a plan that would ensure both a date with Sakura and Naruto's defeat.

Sasuke blinked.

Never, in a million years, did he think that he would even _**consider **_dating Sakura Haruno, one of his self-proclaimed fangirls. 2 years ago, she was an annoying, clingy, preppy stalker who Sasuke wished would disappear off the face of the earth. Now, he thought she was a strong, independent medic-nin who could handle everything herself. Everyday, Sasuke would look at her and think about how much she changed from the past Sakura Haruno, whose squeal would want to make him run all the way to The Land of the Snow just so he could get away from her, to the present Sakura Haruno, whose pink hair shone like a new dawn, whose emerald eyes glittered even in the darkest night...

Sasuke shook his head slightly. Where the hell did all that come from? He was Sasuke Uchiha. He wasn't supposed to be thinking like a romantic. Sasuke scowled. Kakashi really was a bad influence on them.

"Hey, Sasuke!" a cheery voice called. He turned around to see none other than Sakura herself, laden with heavy grocery bags. She walked over to him, not noticing the slight blush on his face.

"Sakura." Sasuke acknowledged, as he threw his last kunai. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and started walking towards her. He noticed that she had at least 10 heavy bags with her, and remembered the advice from Naruto's book.

"You never take a break from training, do you?" Sakura asked with a smile, as they started walking away from the training grounds. Sasuke shrugged, and reached for her bags.

"Let me carry those for you." Sasuke said, and took the bags from Sakura. She stared at him for a moment, then smiled.

"Sure! Thanks a lot, Sasuke." She replied, with a small blush. She thought,' I don't know why he's acting like a gentleman all of a sudden, but this is better than the cold robot I know.'

After walking for a couple of minutes in silence, they ended up in front of Sakura's house. She opened the door, and gestured for Sasuke to walk in. He sauntered into the kitchen, and heaved the bags on top of a table, and shoved his hands back into his pockets. Sakura sweatdropped.

'Guess he's back to being Sasuke, The Duck-Haired Emo.' She thought.

"Sakura, honey! Is that you?" a female voice called. A woman with green eyes and pink hair walked in. She blinked at the sight of Sasuke, but smiled warmly at him.

"Oh! We have a guest?" she asked. Sasuke guess she was Sakura's mother. Her hair and eyes were a dead giveaway.

Sakura nodded.

"Mom, this is Sasuke Uchiha. You know, my teammate." Sakura answered, starting to put some vegetables and fruit away. Sakura's mother nodded, and greeted Sasuke, who was starting to look uncomfortable.

"Well, welcome to our house, Sasuke! If there's anything you need, just call me! Sakura, remember, you still have some chores left, dear." She walked out of the room, pausing by Sakura to whisper," Not too bad, honey! He's a keeper." With a departing wink, she left.

Sasuke coughed, and stared at the floor awkwardly. Sakura winced, and thought with a flush on her face,' Too bad she doesn't know about his super hearing.'

"So." Sakura cleared her throat, and tried to clear the embarrassing silence.

"I need to start painting the basement walls, so if you want to stay, you can..." Sakura trailed off. Sasuke weighed his options. Stay, help Sakura, endure the humiliating cracks her mother made, and get a date, or go and lose the bet to the idiot ninja? He sighed.

"I'll stay." Sasuke said in a monotone, and Sakura smiled. At least she didn't have to do the work by herself. She led the way to the basement, and Sasuke noticed how large it was. It would take all day to finish painting half the room!

RING, RING!

"Sakura! Ino's on the phone!" her mother called. Sakura called," Coming!" She turned to Sasuke, and told him," I'll be right back." She dashed upstairs and took the phone from her mother.

"Hey, Ino, what's up?"

"Did you forget, Forehead? We were all supposed to meet in the shop for lunch!" Ino scolded playfully.

"Oh! Sorry! I forgot it was today!" Sakura cried out," My mom asked me to do a lot of errands today, and now I have to paint the basement with Sasuke." Instantly, as these words left her, Sakura regretted mentioning Sasuke. She could almost feel the smirk on Ino's face.

"So, you have a date with Sasuke, huh? You should have mentioned that. Don't worry, I'll tell the others that you have a little appointment with a certain dark-haired Uchiha." Ino cooed, smiling as she twirled the phone cord around. Sakura blushed.

"It's not a date! I just bumped into him on the way home, and he offered to carry my groceries home. It's strange, though...he was acting so...so..._**gentlemanly**_."

"Really? Shikamaru was acting really weird today, too. And Tenten told me that Neji was acting almost _**human**_. Weird, huh?"

"I know. What's with the guys? Oops, sorry Ino, but I gotta go. The basement's not gonna paint itself! Bye!" Sakura hung up and went back downstairs. She sighed, and thought,' Poor Sasuke, having to paint the whole basement. I bet he's still trying to open the paint cans.' She giggled, but then gasped, not believing her eyes. The walls were completely painted, with no mistakes whatsoever. And Sasuke himself was sitting on one of the boxes, looking bored out of his mind.

"Sasuke! How...you..." Sakura was at a loss for words as she gazed at the shiny walls.

"How the hell did you finish this in less than 5 minutes?!" she exclaimed. Sasuke snorted.

"It's a little something called Shadow Clone Jutsu, Sakura."

"Oh, right! Good idea." She grinned. Suddenly, she remembered something.

"I have to get going! I need to deliver some paperwork to Lady Tsunade! Do you want to come, Sasuke?" At this, Sasuke inwardly rolled his eyes.

"Do you really need me to do everything for you?" he asked, remembering what Naruto's book said. He looked at Sakura's face to see an anger vein throbbing, and slowly growing bigger. Wrong choice of words, Uchiha. Now face the consequences and die.

"What did you say?! If I remember correctly, I never asked you to carry my bags, or paint the whole freaking basement, Sasuke! You did that by yourself!" Sakura yelled, enraged. Did he really think she was that weak? That she couldn't carry a couple bags, or paint a few walls by herself?! She didn't need him in the first place! Stupid men and their stupid egos!

"..." Sasuke's face remained impassive as he glanced at Sakura's face. She continued to look angry, so he decided to use one of the book's tricks.

"Sakura." He interrupted her angry outburst, and flinched slightly as she snapped at him.

"WHAT?!" she almost screamed.

"Do you want to help me revive my clan?" he asked smoothly.

SMACK!

Sasuke held his red cheek, wondering what he did wrong, and who the hell was dumb enough to write a book with lame advice, and asked," What was that for?". Sakura's cheeks were flushed.

"You pervert! And we're only 14, too! Did hanging around Kakashi-sensei do this to you?!" she shrieked.

"No, I'm only saying that a girl as beautiful and strong as you should be the only one to bear my children." Sasuke said. **(A/N: I felt so awkward writing that for some reason...) **

"Oh..." Sakura mumbled. There was a minute of silence before Sakura said," Um, I have to get going now...So later, Sasuke! But do me a favor, and never say those words to a girl again. Or I'll slap you." She giggled, and kissed him on the cheek before running upstairs, and out of the house to The Hokage Tower. Sasuke stood there for a moment, before twitching.

"Hn...no date?"

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L.M.H: so yea...hope you guys don't hate it as much as I do, but I can't think of anything for Sasuke and Sakura.

Last, but not least....NARUTO AND HINATA!!!!!

**If any of you have any requests/oneshots/stories that you want me to write for you, message me! Check out my profile for details!**


	6. Naruto's Impressive Moves

Finally, Naruto and Hinata! Let's see if the dobe is as pervy as teme!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, any characters, or ramen. Or birds.

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"Hmm, what to do, what to do... Naruto pondered as he paced around on Team 7's training grounds. His plan was to impress Hinata with his super-cool-awesome ninja skills, but how could he do that if he had no idea where she was?

"I could ask Sakura to call her over here...but then she might stick around, or beat me if she found out what I'm doing..." Naruto shuddered at the thought of having to spend yet _**another **_week at the hospital due to Sakura's enormous strength. He didn't mean to land on top of Hinata, his foot slipped! Honest! And it was Ino's fault for spilling water everywhere, that dumb pig...

Naruto was still lost in the trauma of Sakura's strength, so he almost missed the quiet greeting from the very girl he was supposed to impress.

"H-hello, N-Naruto!" Hinata shyly stood by the tree stump that held Naruto's precious book. He gulped, hoping she didn't notice the title.

"Hey, Hinata! What are you doing here?" He beamed, bounding over to her. He subtly threw his weapons pouch over the cover. He continued grinning widely at Hinata, only now noticing the red blush that made its way over her face.

"Ah, w-well, I was j-just walking by, and I-I just wanted t-to say h-h-hi." Hinata stuttered, looking at the ground. She let out a surprised," Eep!" when she felt Naruto's hand on her forehead.

"Say, are you sick or something? Your face is all red and hot." Naruto said, concern showing plainly on his face. Hinata slowly grew redder, shaking her head frantically, and tried not to faint.

"N-no, I'm not sick, N-Naruto!" she squeaked, backing away slightly. Naruto grinned again.

"Great! Now that you're here, and not sick, how about I show you some of my super-cool-awesome moves?" he flexed his muscles, trying to seem more macho than he really was. Hinata bashfully smiled, and nodded.

"O-okay, Naruto, I-I'd like to see your s-super-c-cool-awesome m-moves." Naruto did The Good Guy pose, complete with the smile DING, and thumbs up. He yelled," Get ready, Hinata! This move will blow your mind away!" The shy Hyuuga sat on the tree stump, while the loud Uzumaki got into a fighting stance. He gathered a small amount of chakra in his hand, the prepared to blow the tree straight ahead apart into wood chips. He tensed his leg muscles, mentally doing a countdown. Three! Two! One! Charge!!! He started running at full speed, smirking a bit as he heard Hinata gasp," N-Naruto!" He was faster than the wind! He was faster than the speed of lightning! He was-

THUMP!

- laying flat on his face like a fool.

"Ouch..." Naruto groaned, as he lay sprawled on his stomach. He got into a sitting position, glaring at the rock that had managed to both trip and humiliate him in front of Hinata. He rubbed his poor, aching toe, and stood up. Hinata rushed over to him, asking," A-are you okay, N-Naruto? Does it h-hurt much?" Naruto shook his head.

"No, not much. Now, let me show you a different move, Hinata! This is better than the last one!" He exclaimed, thinking,' No way I'll get tripped by a rock this time.'

Hinata gave him a hesitant smile before she walked back to the tree stump, worrying if he would get hurt again or not.

"Okay, Hinata! Get ready for this out-of-this-world move!" Naruto shouted, concentrating his chakra. Almost there...he nearly had enough...okay, now!

He started running towards the tree, being careful to avoid any rocks. He gathered chakra on the bottom of his feet, the started sprinting up the tree. Now all he had to do was carve a picture of him and Hinata on this tree, and climb down to get his well-deserved date, and maybe a little kiss-

"Chirp!"

"'Chirp?' Was that a bird?" Naruto wondered, stopping short. He looked around, trying to catch a glimpse of any yellow-or-black-or-whatever-colour-they-were-feathered friends. After 5 minutes of looking, he shrugged, thinking he had imagined it. Then, he saw the nest. There were 5 little, fluffy, grey birds, each peeping loudly. He smiled, and reached out to pet one, but suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge black bird the size of his head started pecking his forehead violently.

"Ow! You stupid bird, get off me!" He cried, flailing his arms around to stop the bird. She was determined to get the yellow-haired stranger away from her babies. Naruto staggered around, hands around his head. His foot missed the branch, and-

CRASH!

He took a one-way trip down to the ground.

"Ouch..." he lay there moaning and groaning for a few minutes, until he heard Hinata cry out," Naruto! A-are you hurt? You're b-bleeding! We have t-to treat that a-as soon as p-possible!" He grimaced, remembering the bleeding injury. Thanks a lot, you dumb bird. Getting attacked by a raging mother bird just made his day. Well, that's what you get for trying to impress your girl. Who's the dumbass who wrote that book anyways?

"I'm fine, Hinata." Naruto stood up, and heard his stomach growl. He brightened.

"Hey, let's go get some ramen! Man, I'm starving." And without another word, forgetting about his injury, he dragged poor Hinata, who had bandages, gauze, and anesthetic gathered in her arms, to the ramen stand.

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"Hey, old man! I'll take a chicken ramen today!" Naruto yelled enthusiastically, plopping down on one of the stools with a head wrapped in gauze. Hinata had convinced him to let her tend to his wound, before it got infected. He turned to Hinata, and asked," What kind of ramen do you want to eat?"

"I-I'll have m-miso ramen, please." Hinata told him politely.

"Well, what do we have here?" a loud voice called. They looked up to see none other than Kiba Inuzuka, and his trusty pal, Akamaru. Shino was quietly walking behind them, with his usual impassive look.

"So, are you guys on a date?" Kiba grinned, inwardly congratulating the shy Hyuuga. It was him, and sometimes Shino, who always had to persuade Hinata that she had to take a risk, and just ask him out for ramen. It was them who had to take care of her after she fainted, until she came around. And it was them who had to pretend to be a certain knucklehead ninja so Hinata could practice asking him out.

"N-no, Kiba, we're just-"Hinata was interrupted by a voice saying," Wow, sure is crowded today."

Choji had just entered, eating his usual bag of chips. He continued," Does Akamaru really have to take up a seat, Kiba?"

"Of course! Do you expect him to be chained up outside, waiting for scraps to be thrown at him?" Kiba asked, offended. Like he would let that happen! Choji shook his head.

"Never mind. Okay, I'll take 2 bowls of chicken ramen, 4 bowls of seafood ramen, and 3 bowls of beef ramen." He took a seat next to Naruto, and took a look at his bandaged head.

"What happened? Or do I not want to know?" Choji asked. Naruto shook his head with a grimace, trying not to remember the vicious bird.

"You don't want to know. But you should know, don't piss off mother birds."

Choji nodded, then remembered something.

" Hey, Hinata!" he called," I forgot, your sister was looking around for you. I saw her, and she asked me to tell you that there's a Hyuuga meeting today." Hinata gasped, and said," T-Then I'm p-probably late!" She fumbled a bit with her money pouch, and placed some coins on the table.

"Thank you, b-but I have t-to go now!" She said, and turned to Naruto.

"N-Naruto, thank you f-for letting me w-watch you t-train." She gathered up all of her courage, and quickly pecked Naruto's cheek, with a face as red as a tomato. She ran out into the streets, and quickly made her way to the meeting, thinking,' I did it! I k-kissed Naruto!'

Naruto just stood there, with a stupid grin on his face, and his bowl of ramen getting cold. Kiba was laughing, Akamaru was howling with him, Shino was thinking,' Finally...', and Choji was eating his ramen. Naruto touched the cheek that Hinata had kissed, and yelled," BELIEVE IT! Hinata just kissed me!" He was in the middle of a victory dance when a thought hit him.

"Wait...I didn't get a date...Aw, man."

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L.M.H: Poor Naruto. Let's all mourn his failure...Anyways, I think I'll write an epilogue, and then **101 Tips On Getting Girls: Naruto Style** will be COMPLETE!!!

**Remember, to anyone who has a story/oneshot request, check out my profile for details! ^-^**


	7. Who's the Winner, Loser, and Author?

The last chapter! **101 Tips On Getting Girls: Naruto Style **is COMPLETE!!!

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The next day, Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, and Shikamaru met on the hill they had read the useless...er, _**informative **_book on. All four boys failed, but didn't know that the others lost the bet as well. Naruto hoped to death that Sasuke didn't win. Sasuke thought that if Naruto won the bet, he would kill himself. Neji had his usual emotionless face on, but inwardly cursed the fact that he wasn't able to ask Tenten out in time. Shikamaru just wanted this over with, so he could go home and sleep.

The air was thick with tension. As the boys looked around at one another, they wondered in dread who had won the bet. There was a long pause, and the only thing that could be heard was the occasional –

"KA-CAW! KA-CAW!" The ever-so annoying bird that always had to make a statement somehow. It crowed almost mockingly, as if it was laughing at all of the guys' failed attempts.

Finally, Naruto decided to break the silence.

"So, who here managed to get a date?" he tried to sound confident, but winced as he remembered the bird and his now-healed injury. He turned to Sasuke, and asked," Did Sakura turn you down, teme?" He grinned insultingly, while said teme scowled at him.

"Like you got a date with that Hyuuga girl, dobe."

"It's Hinata, if you can remember! But you've only got eyes for Sakura, is that right? Teme!"

"Dobe."

"Teme!"

"Dobe."

"This is really fun, listening to you guys," Shikamaru cut off Naruto, who was about to strangle the Uchiha," But can we get on with the bet?"

"Fine, let's get this over with." Naruto grumbled," Okay, on the count of three, raise your hand if you didn't get a date."

"One."

Neji glanced around, and sighed as he prepared himself for the outcome.

"Two."

Shikamaru yawned, and hoped the dare wouldn't be too troublesome.

"Three!"

Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, and Shikamaru all raised their hands. They looked around at the raised hands, surprised. Not one of them got a date? Everyone lost? Surely not...right?

"Whoa...we all lost?" Naruto voiced what they were all thinking.

"Hn."

"Troublesome..."

"So what now, dobe?"

Naruto had a thinking look on his face. After awhile, he sighed, and said," I guess that means it's a losing tie. No one has to do a dare. Aw, man! I was gonna make teme dress up as the chicken he is, then do the funky chicken! Believe it!" Hearing this, Sasuke cracked his knuckles, and glowered at the blabbering blond. He growled," Well, I was going to make you peek in the girl's bathhouse!" Naruto froze. Peek in the girl's bathhouse? Seriously? He slowly turned to Sasuke, who was still glowering.

"No...way..." Naruto whispered, with an unidentifiable expression on his face. He stared at a slightly confused Sasuke for a few minutes, before shouting," Perv! Sasuke Uchiha is a pervert! No wonder Sakura didn't want to go out with you, teme!" He started laughing maniacally, yelling," Teme the Pervert!" here and there. Shikamaru chuckled, Neji sat down to meditate with hopes of drowning the Uzumaki's voice out, and Sasuke stood there with a heavy scowl as he remembered the slap Sakura gave him.

----------(Flashback)----------

**'"_Do you want to help me revive my clan?"'_**

'**_SMACK!'_**

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Sasuke grimaced, and rubbed the spot she had hit. Damn, that girl could hit...

"So..." Naruto said," What now?"

Silence answered him.

"Hey, Naruto." Shikamaru lazily called from the spot he was currently watching clouds from. He continued," There's something I want to know."

"Yeah, Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, feeling hungry. He was sensing his usual craving for ramen. _**Ramen...**_ –insert drool here-

"Who's the guy who wrote the useless book, anyways?"

Naruto jolted back to reality, and wiped drool from his mouth. He said," Hey, I wondered that too! That advice was a total waste of time."

"Hn."

"...Same here..." Sasuke grunted.

Naruto pulled the book out of nowhere, and flipped around for the author's name. He muttered," Author...author...aha! Here it-"

THUMP. Neji glanced up from his meditation and found a shocked Naruto, with the book on the ground. He raised a brow, wondering what had shocked the idiot so deeply.

"Hn...Uchiha, what's wrong with him?" Neji asked in a monotone. He watched Sasuke walking toward Naruto, and poked him. When Naruto showed no signs of life, he picked up the book, and looked for the author's name. When he found it, he twitched.

"What. The. Hell."

"I know, teme! No wonder we all failed!" Naruto had come back to life. Shikamaru yawned again, and asked," So? Who wrote it?"

With a twitch, Naruto and Sasuke gave Shikamaru and Neji the name of the author, the reason as to why they had all failed, why the advice was so lame, and why you should never trust orange-coloured books.

**101 Tips On Getting Girls**

**Author: Jiraiya**

A pause.

"Tch."

"Hn."

"Troublesome..."

"PERVY-SAGE!!!"

Somewhere in the village, Jiraiya sneezed, and though,' Someone must be thinking about me...heh, heh, maybe it's a pretty girl!' He grinned, and turned back to bathhouse he was currently peeking in. He smirked pervertedly, and took another look in the peeping hole. No one was there! But-but-but, there were so many pretty girls in there before! What happened-

SMACK!

The Toad Sage turned around to see what had hit him, and rubbed the aching spot.

"You **_pervert_**!" Oh. So that's where the girls went.

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L.M.H: You know the "KA-CAW!" part? That's the bird from ep.101, **Gotta See! Gotta Know! Kakashi-Sensei's True Face**! LOL I love that episode.

**If you have any requests, any stories or oneshots you'd like me to write, please message me! Check out my profile for details.**

Well, that's it! I hope you enjoyed reading this story! **_Thank You_ to _Everyone_ who submitted a review, or a pickup line! **


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